Welcome...
to the crazy planet of my mind
There is a sigma attached with being an only child. There were stories going around of how I would lead an unsavory life because I had no father to call my own. I hungered at the idea of proving people wrong. Even though my youth was met with undesirable circumstances, I had and continue to have a pretty good life.
I'm incredibly spoiled in many ways by my loving mother. I mean she went to battle with her body trying to conceive and I am the consolation prize. Being spoiled as a kid meant soda for breakfast or not having to clean my room. Granted we lived in a studio apt and there wasn't much to clean. I guess what I'm trying to say is... I am extremely grateful for my mom. I may not always show it in the way that I should, but I am.
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I remember being a child, carefree and exploratory. There was no real judgement by those who did not know me. Sure I was teased... a lot, but I never felt such judgement as I have today.
I have been nauseous all day. Is it because I'm coming down with something... Why do people feel the need to be so judgemental, especially when they have no idea who you are, as a person? Adults are the most gifted at this. Recently I was called "gross" (unacceptable, ugly, extremely unpleasant) by a woman who sees me through the eyes of envy and hearsay. A woman with many more years than I. A woman who I have never met. It's ironic that one of my goals in life is for women to see each other as the amazing unique creatures that we are, as individuals. I have this hope that women can stop comparing and putting each other down in order to build themselves up as "better than" in the eyes of a man. And yet I am met with such cruelty from a woman who so easily exercises discrimination of the unknown. I think I have a fever but whether its due to illness or anger, I can not tell. So where to begin? Such grand ideas of what this blog should be... How open do I allow myself to be? What stories should I tell?
I guess first off I am an over thinker... part of living with my own thoughts for so long... This has also allowed me to be highly creative in many ways, as well as paranoid at times. I'm an observer which makes me exceedingly introverted at times. I find entertainment in watching how people react and move. So when I write stories they are likely, hypothetically about you... People are such odd creatures. Something I've notice ever since I was a child is how adults like to think that their right... like all the time. I've never understood this. I often find annoyance with myself for thinking this same way. I also find it difficult to express myself at times, I guess that's why I have always loved writing. I could get the thoughts out of my head and then revise them to my heart’s desire. I love being cryptic as well... I leave it up to you to decipher the code... Anyway, that’s all I have to give on this hazy Saturday morning… I need more coffee… |
AuthorThe Only Child Archives
April 2024
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